I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
