hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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