Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
