i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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