I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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