Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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