Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
