I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My bed smells like the plague
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is pants optional.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
