the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i out mim tonsoeep
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
