Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
