What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
