you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
