I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
