I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
