I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.