Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.