So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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