Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
