woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
