Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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