put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
