My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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