I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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