I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
