drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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