walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.