so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.