Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
