JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH