weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
