Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda