i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
