He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the condom got lost in my hair
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
