Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
