We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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