my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!