what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.