i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck