Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.