The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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