i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I agree and I would be an awesome dog