u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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