Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
