i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
