margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
