My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
