hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I forget how to act sober
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
