Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
