there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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