Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
