11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
