sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
