I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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