Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
