are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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