Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
