literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
