and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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