I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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