Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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