Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
