if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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