He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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