He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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