she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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