Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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