you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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