we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
