Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
