And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
