the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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