If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
cat food counts as protein by the way
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
