im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
