ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
