I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize